Sleepless Night

Well it’s November 6th and 2:30 in the morning but not really if you take away the time change it’s really 3 but anyways, I’ve had yet another sleepless night. Which always leads me here, pouring my thoughts out into a digital matter. I can’t really remember the last time I updated this thing but here’s a shot at it.
I’ve laid here several hours contemplating on several things and reading several things as well and here’s what I’ve came up with.

Basically since my senior year of High School and leaving my youth group….I’ve well given up on God. I haven’t had that accountability I once had where someone was always looking over my shoulder. I know this is quite the terrible thing. I’ve always search for that accountability that I once had and I’ve yet to find. I’ve tried plugging myself back into Bible Study and attending Church regularly like I’ve basically always done but there’s just always been something missing or something just doesn’t go right. I’ve tried to Bible Studies on my own but I end up pushing them to the side. I want that driven heart that I used to possess again. So if anyone is out there will you pray for me?

Things I miss

1. Church Tech Booth
Not until as of late have I began to miss this. I miss the involvement and the accountability that this had for me. I miss having a responsibility of being in charge of certain things.

2. Thomas Jerome Washington
Oh man, the memories that I have with this kid. This the first and only social network post I’m going to make about him. I see these post that people do on his wall still to this day and it really does hurt me to see that people are still not being able to cope with his loss. I miss the guy a lot. I will never forget all the laughs and late light talks we shared.

3. David ‘Goodie’ Goodall
Papaw, is what I called him. He was one of best friends. I will never forget him. No matter how old I get. I hope that I can become the grandpa to my grandchildren that he was to me.
Having a best friend. Over the past year I guess you could say I haven’t had a “Best Friend”. I’ve not had that one person I felt like I could share things with.

4. Passion for music
I’ve really lost my interest in music hear lately. I wish I could get back that passion that I used to have for music. Granted I’m not musically inclined by any means but I felt like I could always connect with music even though I could play or sing. That I could always connect poetically. Ha

If I think of other things that I miss. I may re-edit this post but those are just off the top of my head.

So here’s the question to my followers. What do you miss?

Reflecting. It’s one of those things I feel like I have to do each and every night right before I sleep. I’m one of those over analyzers. Bad habit, I know trying to quit but it’s hard. Kind of like my cocaine addiction. (I don’t have one but I like that for dramatic effect.) Tonight is one of those nights were I really don’t know what today was like or what it meant. I try to analyze each and every situation that I went through. Did I say the right thing? What I said might have been hurtful. Hmm what I was thinking? But tonight is different. I don’t have any over analyzing thoughts. Which I might add is most definitely peaceful.

Goals and Aspirations for Years to Come

So got to thinking tonight about what I want would like to happen and what I would like to achieve in the years to come. So I made up a list and this is what it consist. (did I mention I’m going to be a rapper? J/k)

There’s no particular order to these except well maybe the first 3.

1. Get out of Morgantown
2. Graduate from WKU
3. Pack my bags and get out of Morgantown and Bowling Green. Head South to Nashville.
4. Help plant a church! (Looking to go to a meeting on Tuesday with Real Life Church. Gonna see what they’re about.)
5. Mission Trip to 3rd World Country
6. Get a tattoo.
7. Find my best friend.
8. Don’t give up on Love.
9. Get Married.
10. Buy a house!
11. Have a child and begin a family.
12. Get a Masters & Rank 2.
13. Become an inspiration.
14. Touch someone’s life.

This is what I have so far. Let me know what you think.

Reflection…

So, for the past couple of weeks my mind has wandered like child does from his mother in toy store. I’ve been all over the place with thinking of things. And well here’s a collection of what I’ve came up with over the past couple of weeks.

I would have to say I’m not the same person I was a year ago. A year ago was a becoming such a reliant servant of God and now most would people wouldn’t even consider me a Christian. I’m not anywhere remotely close to the person I want to be. The person I want to be is the person I was a year ago. Several things have changed over the past year things haven’t gone the way I wanted and people have left my life. I didn’t think I could be easily influence with my decisions and actions but I was terribly wrong. The wicked ways of the world and what it has to offer has taken it’s toll on me and did whatever its wanted. I’ve realized that I can’t just go through the motions like I used to think I could that I need to make the full commitment in my relationship with God. That doing just enough isn’t going to cut it anymore.

A New Year, A New Beginning…

Well it’s 2011, and well according to the Mayans we only have a year left of existence, according to my Astronomy professor we have longer than that about 5-6 years before a huge meteorite collides with Earth, and according to something I seen on the History Channel we have 9 years left until we run out of everything. Basically what I’m trying to say we really don’t know how long we got. So my New Year’s Resolution isn’t to lose weight, get a girlfriend, going somewhere different or something else that others would have as there New Year’s Resolution. I think I’m going to go in another direction or maybe do a New Year’s Resolution from a Different Perspective. So here is My New Year’s Resolution is Live. I don’t know how much time I have left on this place. I just know that I need to live. I need to quit going through motions that I’ve been going through and live my life, the only way I know how. Therefore my New Year’s Resolution is not only to live life but to grow as well and make a change. I’m going to make the commitment to grow closer to my Heavenly Father and quit the crap I’ve been doing the past year. So that’s my New Year’s Resolution, so can I hear yours?

Peace, Love, Jesus
tshain

A little help with the Ladies…

So I planned on writing about this particular subject back in July and it’s now December almost January and I’m just getting around to it. Well I really don’t think it matters all that much, so I’m going to do it anyways.

Back in July, I came across Proverbs chapter 5. My first initial reaction was WOW! Where has this been my entire life. As young man, I feel as though this should have been something that was drilled into my head during Sunday School and Youth and even in the household. Now granted I’m not what one you would call a man-whore but it is still something that Men in general should be aware. Verse 3-5 stuck out at the very beginning to me.

3 The lips of a seductive woman are oh so sweet, her soft words are oh so smooth. 4 But it won’t be long before she’s gravel in your mouth, a pain in your gut, a wound in your heart. 5 She’s dancing down the primrose path to Death;  she’s headed straight for Hell and taking you with her.

She’s headed to Hell and taking you with her? Wow, this right here alone is going to keep me away. The writer of Proverbs grabs your attention here he tells you the of a seductive woman are sweet and words are smooth. If gives the effects to reader and calming and relaxing mood before he reveals the truth of how the seductive woman actually is. I can’t relate at this point of a seductive woman putting a wound in my heart or a pain in my gut but I feel as though most men can as they have been either hurt by what they thought was the love of their life because a woman was being seductive.

The chapter then goes on to tell the reader to save himself for his wife. To enjoy his wife as a young man. That his wife will fresh-flowing fountain. That his wife is a fountain that he himself should be the only one that be able to enjoy and shouldn’t be passed around with others.

17 Your spring water is for you and you only, not to be passed around among strangers.18 Bless your fresh-flowing fountain! Enjoy the wife you married as a young man! 19 Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose— don’t ever quit taking delight in her body. Never take her love for granted!20 Why would you trade enduring intimacies for cheap thrills with a whore? for dalliance with a promiscuous stranger?

The chapter also asked the readers why give up what you can have for a basically a lifetime for a cheap thrills with a whore.

This chapter has drastically made it’s way to the top of my all-time favorites only falling behind the Song of Solomon. I love what this chapter has to offer to man and mankind in general.

Let me know what you think.
Peace, Love and Jesus
tshain

What’s He doing in Your life?

Well, I’m going to got a little John Lovell on you few readers that I have. I would like to know what God is doing in your life? What’s going on? What are you praying for? What are you longing for?

I wish I could tell you what God was doing in my life but I don’t have a clue at the moment. I feel like God is being like a cloud to me right now. Like yeah He’s there but His presence isn’t being felt. I think that’s the best comparison I can make to what I feel like what’s going on with me.

In case those were curious about my CK interview went, well let’s just after I left it I probably could have got in the fetal position and cried. I felt absolutely terrible afterwards. I would compare it to a train wreck. It didn’t go the way I expected. But oh well. Life goes on. I’m not going to worry about it very much. I mean I really desired to have the job, but if I don’t get it. I don’t get it. Simple as that. I feel like that has become my new attitude towards things. If it doesn’t go the way I want to go. Why bother worrying about it? Just it be.

Well that’s what is going on in the life of tshain that I’m willing to share publicly. Wanna know more? How about we become friends? Ha.

 

Boredom

As here lately, I’ve felt as though I’ve been lost in what’s going on. I feel as though everything I do is just routine. Like as though there isn’t anything new and exciting going on in my life. I get up for class go to class. Get done with class do homework, go to Starbucks, back to the dorm stay up late, sleep and repeat. It seems this has become my daily routine. I have to admit I absolutely hate routine. I can’t stand things being predictable. I look forward to spontaneous things and as of yet there hasn’t been anything of that nature. I’ve yet to understand why other students are soooo stressed about school and me I’m the exact opposite. I don’t see the need to worry about. I’ve yet to pull an all-nighter and I don’t study for crazy long hours. Maybe it’s just I’m taking an easy semester. I don’t know what the deal is. But I’m definitely not overwhelmed.

As of lately, I’ve had thoughts about transferring to UK next year. I miss Silas and Eli more than anything. And I mean who wouldn’t want to have class with Enes Canter, Randall Cobb, or any other UK athlete. I mean I love the city of Bowling Green. I love my job here at Starbucks. I love Western’s tiny campus. It’s just that it has become kind of boring moreorless.

I finally finished my Centri-Kid application and schedule an interview. My interview is on November 9th, at 2:30. I’m overly nervous about ti all, but then again I’m not. If I don’t get it, I’m going to take online classes and get one more step closer to graduation.

Basically, what this post has become about is me being just bored. I’ve got so used to the way things are that everything seems so boring no matter what I do.

Student Leadership Apprentice Week 1 Day 1-3

Day 1: I first arrived to Nashville, with hopes of God showing Himself to me. I arrived on campus an hour and half before I was supposed to be here. In that hour and half alone, I had plenty of time to think. In my time of thinking, I began instilling this fear that God wasn’t going to show Himself to me and that I was fooling myself and I would have to be patient and wait for his timing and not my own. After wandering the streets of Nashville for an hour. I headed up to registration. I arrived at registration and I was already recognized just for the pure fact that I had be awkwardly roaming around. I had a slight problem during my registration that I’m not going to go into detail about. Lol.
The remainder of the day was very lay back that I actually went back to my room and slept for several hours. I eventually met up with the other SLAyers at dinner. The SLAyers for this week are Jonathan Balmer, Elizabeth “Bizzy” Weinland, Brooke Mayberry and myself. I was assuming that there was going to be several of us at least a dozen but to my utter surprise there is only 4. This was a slight disappointment to me. I was hoping this could be a great opportunity for me to really reach out and connect with several different people. And there’s 3 of us. Are you serious? This wasn’t at all what I was suspecting. Opening ceremonies began later that night and I couldn’t really tell you what those were about because I wasn’t really paying all that much attention. Ha. After opening celebration we left for church group devotion, since I don’t have a church group with me on campus we went and met together as a SLA group and shared our testimonies. After we sat a and talked for quite awhile we then left to go meet the staffers of the camp. After we meet each of the staffers we left to go back to rooms. So this pretty much ends day 1.

Day 2: Oh, how this was interesting. My SLA roommate apparently wasn’t adapted to cold weather as I am and claimed he almost froze to death during the night. I’m pretty positive he woke me up almost 7-8 times asking me what time it was. He claims he only did it once but I know for sure that it was was at least a half a dozen. We woke up at 6:45 to get ready for the breakfast. What a drag this was. I honestly hate having to get up this early. I love my sleep and this was definitely depriving me of it. Breakfast was alright. Then it was off to the AM show. Ah nothing like a bunch of peppy staffers ready to go in the morning, while I’m still in zombie sleep mode. AM show was just like the years past. A corky little skit and a Adventure Now video. Then some worship songs then off to Bible study. Bible Study, hmm I’m still in zombie mode at this point so I wasn’t really involve to say the least during Bible Study so there’s not much to say about that. Moving on, after Bible Study we loaded up our SLAyer van and headed to Lifeway! Not even going to front this was probably one of the best parts of the entire week. Lifeway was absolutely incredible, I loved every moment we were there. Jana Spooner the Student Events Coordinator led our tour around the HUGE building that Lifeway is. She also took us to the bottom which they call the cage, not sure why? I mean it had some fencing in it but I don’t think it had enough to call it a cage. But anyways at the bottom of it is where parts of Adventure Now was shot, not to mention all of the Carter The Church Assistant is shot in the Lifeway building but anything inside of Adventure Now is shot inside too. I got to meet a person on the production team of both Adventure Now and Carter the Church Assistant. Very cool I might add. After our great tour of Lifeway we went to Centennial Park. We then filled out a survey describing what kind of leader we were. I ended up being a Lion. haha. Which basically means, I’m a powerful leader. haha. After that we sat and talked for a little bit at the park until it was 3. We then headed back to the Campus at 3. This was a great opportunity to sleep. Slept till 5, dinner blah useless info. Worship was at 6:30. Gary Morgan was our speaker, he was also the speaker for stuCo when the went to Union University. I wish I had wrote this night that he spoke so I could tell what he talked about but due to my horrible short term memory, I don’t know what he spoke about. Sorry guys. After worship was church group devotion, well since I don’t have a church group with me while I’m here. Me and my fellow SLAyers and the Week SLAyers met up and had our own little devotion. Not much happened here just because everyone was talking and trying to get to know each other there wasn’t much of any kind of devo going on. After this was Night Life. Hmm nothing really of any importance went on here so that’s the end of day 2.

Day 3: Same routine in the early morning as the previous day. I stayed in zombie mode until time for site. Today’s site was to The Next Door. The Next Door is a program for women that recently just got of incarceration and helping the women re-enter society by helping them get a job and their children back. We first went to the apartment complex they have and put together a bike rack, which took all of 5 minutes to do. So we left to go back to the main office where we then organized different items that had been donated, into their needed areas of the complex. After we did this, a woman was supposed to talk to us but none of them would because they were all nervous. So we left and cruised around town for the remainder of time. After we got back to campus, it was again time for nap time for me until we went out into the city. We left at 5 to head at to SATCo. This place looks like a hole in the wall. But seriously had some amazing food. This place is the staffers’ favorite and they eat there every Friday Night after MEGA. Food was great and service was unbelievably quick. Seriously, gave the lady my order, within 2 minutes they called my name and my food was ready. Definitely hitting this place up again, when I come to Nashville. After SATCo’s we went to CeCe’s Yogurt, I think? To be honest wasn’t that great so we’ll move on. After leaving here we came back to the dorm and chilled until it was time for worship. This night I do remember what Gary spoke about. It was obedience and it was about Abraham. Some great stuff. Not sure if I can really go into detail about it. So we’re moving on. Church Group devo was to follow again didn’t talk about anything, everyone talked among themselves. Back in room and this ends day number three.

I will be posting about the remainder of the week one, it’s just that this was getting super long and I thought I should break it down into two. Thanks for reading my blog. Hope you enjoyed you’re visit here and thanks for reading!

Love to hear what you think about my week but if you don’t feel like leaving anything that’s okay too.